Born in 1957, Feng Gong is a Tianjin native and famous movie actor and crosstalk comedian in China.

He is a lucky person whose head was hit by a free 'pie' 28 years ago when he had his debut at Chunwan (CCTV's Spring Festival Gala) and this 'pie' has been with him ever since. His humors are sharp and thought-provoking, leaving his handsomeness far behind. If you are looking for a filial son, a loyal husband, a good father and the best supporting actor in the family, he is the one!

All right, let's take a look at his paradoxical punchlines…

Hey girls! There aren’t so many white horses. Just make do with donkeys. Don’t wait until donkeys are grabbed by others, you only have a pack of mules to choose …

Beautiful girls are made by 30% natural looks and 70% makeups; their temperance, 30% talents, 70% pretensions; and their tenderness, 30% tolerance, 70% self-control. 

How I wish I can be chopsticks in my next life, so I won’t be alone!

I don’t trust your words, not even punctuations.

The most touching words that my dad has ever said is “Hey son, study well! I used to play 10 kuai for a round of Majiang, now only one kuai, just for your schooling.”

Lay low, if you wish to be boastful!

If I don’t eat enough food, how could I have the strength to reduce weight?!

I can resist everything except temptation.

You’re not smart, but still chose to have a bald pate. 

Be happy when we’re alive, because death is still far away from us.

The most charming person is ‘Kang Shifu’ (an instant noodle brand, literally a master named Kang). Thousands of people would like to cook him up every day.

I miss you so much that I don’t even have the appetite to eat. This is really sick!

Actually I was taller before. It’s just because I took bath more often and got shrunk.

If you see a shadow ahead of you, don’t be afraid, because at your back, there is sunshine!

I allowed you to walk into my world, but it doesn’t mean you can walk around in my world!

How long is one minute? Well, it depends on whether you are in the toilet or still waiting outside … 

Even the iron cock (figurative description of the skinflint whose feathers are no way to be plucked) will leave some rusts, you are utterly a stainless steel cock!

Just be with me and count the stars. But your IQ is low, so you count the moon!

I do admire myself. Sometimes when I look into the mirror, I can’t help but to kowtow to myself!

Why I always feel unhappy? Could it be that when happiness was knocking at my door, I was not at home?

Kill the panda, and I will be the national treasure!

Never talk to me about dreams, I dumped them all!

I am not revengeful. Normally if I had some, I must have paid them back on the spot.

Don’t look for me if you don’t have anything urgent, much less you do have some!

I like you so much. You’re not gonna die to return your like a little bit.

I am not Renminbi, how could I except everyone likes me?

Man’s words are like old woman’s teeth, how many are real? 

Before Zhuge Liang (a famous mastermind of Shu Kingdom in the Three Kingdom Period 220-280) took office, he had never led any troops, so why should you require me to have work experience?

Enjoy your life – God still allow you to live, he must have his reasons.

You will never be able to see the moment when I feel the loneliest, because that’s the moment when you’re not with me.

The real meaning of ‘Iron Rice Bowl’ (figuratively meaning ‘a lifelong job’) is not getting your rice in one place, but getting it wherever you go.

If you don’t keep me here, someone else will do. If no one else, I still have housework to do.

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[Cover Picture via Baidu]